'We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same.' (Carlos Castenada)
Client: 'Ive been living far apart from my family of origin for a few years now, and as life goes on and things happen, I'm feeling a great amount of guilt for having had missed, among others, many of my sisters important moments. My older sister delivered her first child few months ago, and I haven't even see him yet. To tell you the truth we don't even talk that much given the difference of time between the two Countries we live in.. I like it here where I live, but I wish we would be closer so that I would be able to stay next to her family. I feel a heaviness in my heart. I feel stuck.. Why do I have to suffer by choosing to follow my career at the cost of loosing connection with my family?'
A client came to visit me as she felt like she couldn't get past her emotion of guilt and self judjment. She has a very demanding job which keeps her very busy, but that she enjoys nonetheless. She is not planning to move back to her Country of origin anytime soon, but she does desire both to feel a deeper sense of connection to her family of origin and feel lighter and free in her heart and mind by fully accepting her choices, or finding a new solution (which thoughts shows her good level of awareness and accountability to start with.) I listented to her carefully while she was expressing herself:
'Time is passing by so fast and I'm missing out on a lot of things.. what if my dad dies unexpectedly? Or even me! I feel like I'm putting my job before my family.. sometimes I think 'I haven't been a good daughter to my parents' for having left them alone. Maybe if I'd leave all and move back, everything will be good again.. but when I think this I feel like I'd feel a sense of guilt about myself too, for stopping to follow my work. That would kill me.'
During the initial 'consultation' where the client explains me her issues, fears or discomfort she would like to solve, I'm able to quickly observe the beliefs system she adopted, which are naturally determining her present state of mind and feelings.
(In this case I also had a very acute understanding and empathy toward my client as, at some degrees, I've been in her shoes more then ones, and so are many of the people I know which left their home of origin and moved to a new city... This as a reminder that we are never 'the only ones', or 'alone', right?)
I guide the client into a deep and calming state of relaxation, where she's able to quiet her mind and move to a higher state of awareness. The subconscious mind is now of easier access as well as her heart center (she releases some physical tension or what I may call, 'mental toxins' by crying.. which by the way is one of our body's healthiest forms of 'self-care') and I'm able to guide her to the root causes of those beliefs which aren't being overall beneficial to her current well-being. I use a couple of techniques, one of which is called 'role playing': the client moves from her conscious perspective to someone else's while under hypnosis (this process may be done even when not under hypnosis indeed. Here your mind may get more 'in the way' and sabotage the process though) in this cases we moved into all of her 4 family memebers' perspective and started 'playing' with it!
As she moves into her older sister's body and perspective (which she now perceives/imagines/tunes into) she says: 'I don't blame you for haven't been close to me at the hospital when I had M. (The newborn) I would have loved to have you there, and I also love that you trusted that the decision you took for yourself at that time were the best. I know your boss wants you to follow him everywhere and that's just part of the job you love! He's a creative person and trusts in your potential as well. You both are blessed to have each others. I feel content when you keep on doing things that make you feel great. Please don't feel like you have to give up your own happiness just to make me happy! I'm choosing to live in the city we grew up as much as you chose to leave this city simply because I enjoy being here. I could have chosen to follow you and move with you when you asked me many years ago, but I didn't. I love you sister, I'm sure there will be a time to meet in the future and you'll be able to spend time with M., and if this will never happen for any reasons at all.. Cause I know you are thinking about this possibility as well.. that would be also ok. You are always in my heart and a part of my soul.. even if it seems like we don't talk much or see each others enough, you are always connected to me and to all our family. I love you exactly for who you are and I approve of all that you are doing exactly how you are doing. Not an inch less!'
Guiding my client to move from her perception, to each of her family members' one, allowed her to tune into a greater, 'guilt-free', loving state of being (she was talking from her sister's soul point of view) which shows us a clear example of how using either a 'judgmental' point of you (aka 'false self' - our thoughts and views become clouded as a consequnce of analizing events from the part of our egoic mind which isn't beneficial to our well-being and others) or a 'loving' one (aka true-self - perceiving events from our soul/higher self/consciousness) may make a SUBSTANCIAL difference in our lives!
Don't you think so?
As my clients was able to experience many perspectives and come to different realizations, I guided her toward the end of her guided imagery, and started incorporating 'positive suggestions.'
The use of positive suggestions works very well during an hypnotherapy session as the client is still in a state of deep relaxation. In this case once again, the subconscious mind is very receptive to any information and it's a great time to replace the 'not beneficial beliefs' with new - beneficial ones. It's also a very good time for the client to listen to these positive words as she already embraced the purpose of having those feelings of guilt, self-judgment, and self-punishment during our session, thus dropping any possible resistance to them. As I'll explain further those 'bad feelings' aren't completely 'bad' in themselves.. Did you know that every single range of emotions we experience, is there to guide us?!
Many were the beliefs and the emotions that we addressed during the session. In this particular blog I will write about GUILT and REGRET, and how being able to differenciate between the two, will help us improving the way we feel as it improved my client's!
I'll Meet you soon at part 2 of my 'Guilt & Regret' blog.
Hope you'll find some guidance while reading this story.
Any question or thoughts to share?
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Ps. Guilt is a very broad emotion, which touches many area of our lives.
We may feel guilty for many reasons (about what we eat, what we think, what we wish, something we've done, family expectations, religious education..) and thus is very common for many, if not all of us to experience it. Same with regrets.
The good news is.. There's a soul..ution (thumb up for the new a way through, a transmutation, a mean of serving our highest good.. Stay tuned to discover it soon.
Thanks so much for connecting with me and the informations on this website.
Wishing to be of greater service to you,
I hope to meet you soon!